I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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