can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
