Kiss
Puke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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