I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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