I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
