i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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