Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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