well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
