masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
