Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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