Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize