Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
