It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize