I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize