she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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