I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
