look no pants
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
