i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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