I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize