You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
