I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
