Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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