So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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