Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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