Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
