dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
