how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
