He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
