I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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