Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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