I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
