My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize