Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
