Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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