Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
