Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
