literally had 100 drinks last night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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