arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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