there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
