It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
