She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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