those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry about my life...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
