there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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