I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
