I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize