decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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