I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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