The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
