I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
