we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
