apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
