just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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