Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
