She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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