Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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