____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
