the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
one might say we're banned from that church
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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