Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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