is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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