Someone shit on the floor
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
