Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
