I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
