covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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