When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
