But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
