in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
