So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
