And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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