i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
