I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
