I puked a lego.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
