I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
