Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
