I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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