Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize