My first STD was from a foam party
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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